Age is just a number, right? Hmmmmmm!

Well, after nearly five months of looking I got a fulltime, permanent job!!!!! I was approached about it after a very successful temp placement with the parent company. It made me feel really good to be offered something based on a good impression I had made. It is a sales and admin role and is going really well with a wee bit of potential to develop. The money is not fab but I can pay my rent and eat and have a bit of fun so what more can a girl ask – at this point anyway. Vancouver is both notorious and infamous for it’s low hourly pay and generally we suck it up.

I guess the big eye-opener during the job hunt was being forced to realise that women over 40 (35 in some sectors) struggle deeply to get satisfying, well-paid work. We struggle to get any work!! I am now 52 and prior to coming here felt great about my self. I never felt my age, looked my age or had to battle with employment issues because of it. As time went on here, I started becoming very self-conscious, felt old, ugly and unemployable. My boss was looking for someone older who had lived life a bit and didn’t feel a need to rush off to be with a new boyf in Toronto. The older workforce is largely ignored here and this is in part, due to it being a city of young employers and recruiters. Don’t get me started on recruiters……!!!!! Anyhoo, because it is a draw for start-up geeks, is sleek, cool and trendy, a female in her late 30’s and on is not always seen as being of benefit to an employer. This is a shame because Vancouver women of all ages are stylie, groomed, smart and gorgeous. We have so much to offer in terms of knowledge, skill and life experience and while this is not recognised now, it will be. I will bet on it.  I am changed by the job hunt but am determined to get back to feeling good about myself again.

Sundays are the worst day of the week for me and the day that I feel the most homesick and question what the hell I have done by moving here. I thought about it alot to day and had an ‘ah ha’ moment when I realised that rather than missing New Zealand, there is something missing in me and I keep looking externally to find what that is. My friends and family here are all in cute little couples and I am spending way too much time by myself. My social life is uneventful and I don’t get out and do alot so that needs to be fixed. Vancouver has loads to do and I plan to get amongst it. My good friend said that she misses having a comfort zone. We are always being encouraged to get outside our comfort zones, but when you start a new life somewhere you become very keen to develop one. It gives you a familiarity and security that is really crucial to feeling at home. Things still feel strange for me and while I feel at home I don’t feel that ahhhhhhhh feeling yet. It will happen over time. I have only been here 5 months.

Getting back to the single thing……a bit over it really. One of my goals for 2014 is to open my heart up to meeting someone. I am often hesitant to ask my couple friends if I can hang out with them (my insecurity about it rather than them not wanting to). Also, I have been happily single for a long time now and while in the phase of feeling totally unattractive to the opposite sex, am more open to the idea of meeting someone than I have been so that is progress.

So 2014 has alot for me to go after and I plan to hug it hard.

Lots of love,
Cinnamon
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Today I am Grateful For……

Hello All

Long time since I have spoken to any of you. Have been sick with a really bad cold and have also been busy with my study……oh, and it’s winter here in New Zealand and I hibernate like a wee fuzzy bear at this time of year.

I muse about being grateful alot and think that it is good to do so because it is amazing how good it makes you feel and it also stops you pondering the small stuff that gives us hives and heart burn….

Ready????

1. I am grateful for the news that snow is coming this week. We don’t get snow in NZ generally but with climate change, we get a few good falls every winter now and it makes everyone soooo happy. You should see how the news gets shared on Facebook and the gorgeous comments….really funny.

2. I am grateful for my three cats Honey, Max and Tigger and my part-time cat Beiber who has taken it upon himself to lounge around every house in the neighbourhood that will feed him and only comes home to plant a furry kiss about once every 4 days….

3. I am grateful for Social Media….great to be able to write and publish without needing an agent..

4. I am grateful for everything really but will pay special homage to chocolate at this time.

5. I am grateful that I am happily single. Watching friends do stupid things all in the name of love give me lots of laughable moments and a relief that I am nowhere near desperate.

6. I am grateful for the amazing pic of Johnny Depp that someone shared on my FB page yesterday. OMG!!!!  He is one wee hottie for sure.

7. I am grateful for now knowing how to make my own butter and apple butter. Such fun and what a blast pigging out on it all!

8. I am grateful for being able to lounge around in my groovy pink dressing gown.

9. I am grateful for FINALLY having read To Kill a Mockingbird……I loved it so much.

10. I am grateful for being able to knit. Made myself a smashing wee beanie while I was sick. It is rather lush.

Loads of love from the Chicky

What is ‘single’ anyway……..

Yeah, so what does single mean? Some people classify themselves as single when n a relationship because they feel that they are not married so are thus still ‘single’.  To my way of thinking, that is just whack!!!!!!  Single to me means no partner, boyf, husband, wife, life partner etc.

I am a single mum. I have the most wonderful daughter in the whole world who at 17 has left home to pursue study in a university town not far from home which is grand as I get to see her alot.  When I was out and about with her people would assume that I was a ‘Mrs’ just because I had an ankle biter with me. Funny!  You can’t be mad at people though because it is society that labels us with different things. Because we have kids we must be married.

I guess I should explain a little bit about my choice to be single. I have been ‘relationship-free’ for 18 years!  Yes, you read right, 18!!!!  It freaks alot of people out and mostly cos they assume I have been sex-free for as long. Not as long as that but a few years.  I chose to not have relationships when my daughter’s father bailed on me before she was born.  It is a long, long story but he lives in another part of the world and has been a deficit factor in our lives and when he is in our lives causes pain and hurt.

When I knew that he was going to be around, I chose to focus on being a mum and also, on looking after myself.  It felt like the right thing to do for me and after watching numerous single mum mates find man after man after man and have one kid after another and go through all that drama I was really glad that I was not in that frame of mind.

Not once have I regretted that decision. I have a blessed life and have followed a path that had been rocky (hell yeah) but has included two degrees from university, a small business (very small and well, not on the radar globally, YET!!) and a feeling of peace most of the time. It has also included anger and hate for years towards the father (herein known as the Sperm Donor) and a belief that men were going to hurt me and let me down. So my decision to be single has been based on an avid avoidance of any situation that may open me up to being hurt like that again. Phew, the truth is out!

Some friends really worry that I am lonely!  Bless them!  Yeah, sometimes I am. Sometimes I want to take the big leap and put myself out there to meet someone but it will still take some time to get to that place.  The anger and hurt wasn’t worth it. It kept me safe for a while but also turned me into a prickly and unapproachable sexy beast.

I know that there are some really decent men out there but it just isn’t in me to open up to any possibilities.  I reckon I will literally fall over some guy somewhere and we will look at each and go ‘there you are.’  Seriously!  I am not one for dating sites, blind dates or any of that drama. I am a true romantic though and I know that round a corner somewhere he is waiting for me to trip over something and literally land at his feet or in his lap or something.

I guess it probably started long before the Sperm Donor though. I was engaged at 23 and three months out, his father told him to dump me or he would be shut out of the family so……broke my heart and took me 4 years to come right. So, have never been married either. I grew up in the ’70’s when getting married asap was the norm and having 2.5 kids before you hit 25 was expected…..well, you can see that I have certainly broken that mould welland truly.

But getting back on track….I am very happy at 50 and a half. Fit and fab and life is just great. I have survived a hellish 18 months of earthquakes that wrecked my city, moved to a small and very cliquey town, had my kid leave home and  faked it til I made it and I HAVE MADE IT!

Love from the Chicky

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Being Happy in My Skin…..

T’was not always so – no way Jose!  For years I didn’t really think I had alot to offer physically.  However, over the last few years I have come to really enjoy the physicality of myself and love the feeling of moving.  I move in various ways; yoga, pilates, walking, running, dancing, biking and stretching.  I have done a duathlon and also completed an 8-day Outward Bound course!  Now, that was something that changed my life and it still continues to 8 years on (can’t believe it was that long ago).

I hate the word diet and refuse to have scales in the house.  My portion control could do with some work as could my sugar intake but I love food as it gives me such joy and refuse to leave things out of my menu.  I simply do things in moderation.

Reaching 50 has been quite the milestone in terms of really coming to love my body flaws and all and I don’t even care that I have cellulite anymore.

Being on my own has really allowed me to get happy with myself and I am very proud of it. It is a bit baffling for some of my friends because they may think that I am not open to meeting someone. I am but just not NOW!  Who knows when I will be but in the meantime, I am having fun just being me.

What I want is for more and more women to realise that to be ‘just m’ is cool.  And healthy.  It can be lonely if you let it but I see it as an opportunity to pursue interests and hobbies and to relish the freedom that I have to live life totally on my own terms.  We are complete beings on our own despite what society wants us to believe.

Don’t be afraid of singledom – EMBRACE IT!!!

Not for one moment does any of this mean that I am anti-men.  I certainly am very pro-men. I just don’t happen to want one right now. I am fairly sure he is round the corner somewhere though.

Ciao from the Chicky

xoxo

Boys on the Net

So I was talking to a good friend who is using the Net to seek potential mates.  Good for her I reckon.  Then she and I together figured it might be a great new project for me – I embraced this idea fully!  I had been on this site before a number of years ago and frankly, I found it exhausting – seriously!  It was so hard trying to find the right things to say without coming off as a ball-buster in my profile but equally hard figuring out who was on there to seriously meet someone or to find a number of ‘special ladies’.  I really hate being called a special lady even if meant well. It makes me feel like an old aunty who did great things for the family or something rather than a vibrant, fabulicious chicky!!

Anyhoo, set up my profile the other night and uploaded a pic and started trawling through to find potential victims.  Was not that shocked to come across THREE profiles of men (check it out) who needed TLC as they worked their way through a separation/divorce/breakup!!!  What am I?  Dr Phil in drag or something? That was okay though – wasn’t gonna let that get me down. Did’nt find anything taller than 5 ft 5 or so which was not great as I am 5ft 8 in socks!!!  You are asked to tick things like height and then you get presented with some of Snow White’s mates!

Had one response from said little guy but did not follow up.  I feel bad because I didn’t even respond to the message he left. I gave it a couple of days and then this morning took my profile down.  This way of meeting people just doesn’t work for me.  I don’t want someone enough I think.

I would love to hear similar stories from you all.  The funnier the better.

Ciao from the Chicky