Age is just a number, right? Hmmmmmm!

Well, after nearly five months of looking I got a fulltime, permanent job!!!!! I was approached about it after a very successful temp placement with the parent company. It made me feel really good to be offered something based on a good impression I had made. It is a sales and admin role and is going really well with a wee bit of potential to develop. The money is not fab but I can pay my rent and eat and have a bit of fun so what more can a girl ask – at this point anyway. Vancouver is both notorious and infamous for it’s low hourly pay and generally we suck it up.

I guess the big eye-opener during the job hunt was being forced to realise that women over 40 (35 in some sectors) struggle deeply to get satisfying, well-paid work. We struggle to get any work!! I am now 52 and prior to coming here felt great about my self. I never felt my age, looked my age or had to battle with employment issues because of it. As time went on here, I started becoming very self-conscious, felt old, ugly and unemployable. My boss was looking for someone older who had lived life a bit and didn’t feel a need to rush off to be with a new boyf in Toronto. The older workforce is largely ignored here and this is in part, due to it being a city of young employers and recruiters. Don’t get me started on recruiters……!!!!! Anyhoo, because it is a draw for start-up geeks, is sleek, cool and trendy, a female in her late 30’s and on is not always seen as being of benefit to an employer. This is a shame because Vancouver women of all ages are stylie, groomed, smart and gorgeous. We have so much to offer in terms of knowledge, skill and life experience and while this is not recognised now, it will be. I will bet on it.  I am changed by the job hunt but am determined to get back to feeling good about myself again.

Sundays are the worst day of the week for me and the day that I feel the most homesick and question what the hell I have done by moving here. I thought about it alot to day and had an ‘ah ha’ moment when I realised that rather than missing New Zealand, there is something missing in me and I keep looking externally to find what that is. My friends and family here are all in cute little couples and I am spending way too much time by myself. My social life is uneventful and I don’t get out and do alot so that needs to be fixed. Vancouver has loads to do and I plan to get amongst it. My good friend said that she misses having a comfort zone. We are always being encouraged to get outside our comfort zones, but when you start a new life somewhere you become very keen to develop one. It gives you a familiarity and security that is really crucial to feeling at home. Things still feel strange for me and while I feel at home I don’t feel that ahhhhhhhh feeling yet. It will happen over time. I have only been here 5 months.

Getting back to the single thing……a bit over it really. One of my goals for 2014 is to open my heart up to meeting someone. I am often hesitant to ask my couple friends if I can hang out with them (my insecurity about it rather than them not wanting to). Also, I have been happily single for a long time now and while in the phase of feeling totally unattractive to the opposite sex, am more open to the idea of meeting someone than I have been so that is progress.

So 2014 has alot for me to go after and I plan to hug it hard.

Lots of love,
Cinnamon
image

Advertisements

Just Gotta Admit Things Sometimes……

3c64190994n2976

Yeah well, I have just had to admit to myself, and a reasonably wide and public audience that I have failed again to make a major lifestyle change which was to quit booze for 3 months. Yip, was all gung-ho and ‘committed’ and then I just decided I could not be bothered enough to REALLY TRY HARD to do it. I am not going to dwell on it because my point is that I have admitted to not trying hard and well, quitting on myself.

Yes, the stress of moving my life from New Zealand to Toronto in 11 weeks is high, I failed to deal with that stress in a loving and kind way such as exercise and just reverted back to stupid habit!!!!!!!!!

It is Monday tomorrow and as I have said before, is a chance to start over!

On a lighter note, wait for my post about making Slutty Brownies………..

Love
Cinnamon xxxxxxxx

I Have Woken Up…..

Kia Ora from New Zealand…..a bloody cold New Zealand I might add. Brrrrr!

This last week has been quite the life-changer for me and I wanted to share it with you all in the hope that it inspires….

I have been training to be an early childhood educator since February this year. My urge to do this was largely brought on by my fantastic experiences as a relief teacher in this field and I based my decision to do this course of study on the fact I am a fantastic reliever and very popular and thought perhaps I had finally found ‘what I was put on this earth to do’………I love working with children however, just because I am a great reliever does not mean that I am a good teacher OR that I have a burning passion to be one!

So I decided to quit study altogether.  The true fact is I HATED it!  I really did not enjoy it at all and well, I have not enjoyed any of my study over the years. Yes, I loved the social side of it and I loved having great debates about topics we were studying but at the end of the day, I just well, HATED it!

The decision to quit study was hard because to be honest, I felt that I was no good as a person/employee/parent without doing it.  When I first started study, my daughter was about 2 and I felt that if I was going to be a single parent I had better make everyone think that I was not some loser on a benefit and so that is when I decided to study. What a load of bullshit that is and it has taken me all this time to wake up and be honest with myself about my choices.

I am skilled in many areas and when I finally woke up the other day and gave myself a good talking to, the relief was immense and I felt about 10 years younger.  I have alot of relieving work over the next few months and really love it and finally feel at peace just being who I am without another stupid piece of paper framed on my wall (along with the other two that I have).

A degree does not define anyone and if you are taking a journey in your life that is to prove something to others then you are just wasting time and money and chipping away at your soul as well.

The freedom I feel because I am content to be just me and not bother with what anyone else thinks is very empowering and I am relaxed about my life for the first time in years and years.  I have had alot of support from people and feel excited about just letting things happen.

You know that dumb ad for the AHHH Bra that apparently will make your boobs go AHHHHH, I feel like that now. I just wish that I had really sat back earlier and realised what I great life I have already and that study is not the answer for me nor would it ever have been a guarantee of work. In fact, I am more likely to be working as a reliever for a long time than getting a job as an actual teacher.

If you are reading this and in a place right now where you are at a crossroads, just go by what your gut is telling you because your gut will never lie. Don’t be like me and try and ignore what it is telling you.  Only you know what is good for you and your life because you are the one who has to live that life. Yeah, your friends and family may choose to throw their two cents worth in but be careful about listening too hard. You are getting your own messages through your intuition and while well-meaning, some people have a bit of an agenda.

Oh yeah, this blog has been nominated for an award!! How damn happy am I right now??

Love and hugs from the Chicky  xxxxxxx

Today I am Grateful For……

Hello All

Long time since I have spoken to any of you. Have been sick with a really bad cold and have also been busy with my study……oh, and it’s winter here in New Zealand and I hibernate like a wee fuzzy bear at this time of year.

I muse about being grateful alot and think that it is good to do so because it is amazing how good it makes you feel and it also stops you pondering the small stuff that gives us hives and heart burn….

Ready????

1. I am grateful for the news that snow is coming this week. We don’t get snow in NZ generally but with climate change, we get a few good falls every winter now and it makes everyone soooo happy. You should see how the news gets shared on Facebook and the gorgeous comments….really funny.

2. I am grateful for my three cats Honey, Max and Tigger and my part-time cat Beiber who has taken it upon himself to lounge around every house in the neighbourhood that will feed him and only comes home to plant a furry kiss about once every 4 days….

3. I am grateful for Social Media….great to be able to write and publish without needing an agent..

4. I am grateful for everything really but will pay special homage to chocolate at this time.

5. I am grateful that I am happily single. Watching friends do stupid things all in the name of love give me lots of laughable moments and a relief that I am nowhere near desperate.

6. I am grateful for the amazing pic of Johnny Depp that someone shared on my FB page yesterday. OMG!!!!  He is one wee hottie for sure.

7. I am grateful for now knowing how to make my own butter and apple butter. Such fun and what a blast pigging out on it all!

8. I am grateful for being able to lounge around in my groovy pink dressing gown.

9. I am grateful for FINALLY having read To Kill a Mockingbird……I loved it so much.

10. I am grateful for being able to knit. Made myself a smashing wee beanie while I was sick. It is rather lush.

Loads of love from the Chicky

Cyber Friends Part 2

Today I have been having a really open talk with another blogger about mental illness. It has been humbling to hear her experience but while some scoff at the notion of cyber-friends and the lack of emotion that comes through posts, rubbish I say because I can really hear, feel and see her pain. I shared that I have lived with depression since I was about 14 and how hard it is to find that society still stigmatizes it as something horrid that we ‘must keep to ourselves because what would people say if they knew’.  This stupid notion makes me want to type every single swear word I know in lots of languages, but I digress.

In New Zealand there is a huge and very welcomed push to get mental illness talked about – we have one of the highest suicide rates amongst young men in the world. I know of two men who took their lives because of depression……know one even knew they were suffering with it. We have a well-known (and rather hot) ex-All Black (rugby for those of you who don’t know) who has made a series of ads about his experience and it has done such alot for those men who feel it is ‘unmanly’ to talk about it. We also have help-lines for teens and a series of ads run alongside that too. However, it is not addressed in schools enough. Yeah, they get preached at about drinking, drugs, pregnancy, std’s blah, blah, blah, but there are not programmes set up to specifically deal to this issue.  i want to start one!!

The wonderful thing about cyber-mates is that we can talk across the miles – this lovely woman I mentioned lives in the States – and share a common story which has helped both of us today I think. It has made me feel very connected to her and in my head she looks like Michelle Obama (is Barack not the cutest guy ever – I just love him!!!).  It has helped her to talk and she has also had heaps of support from other bloggers.

So, my cyber-friends, share what you know because you might help someone today. As Oprah (whom I loved once but now, not so much) says, ‘use your life to help others.’  I mean aside from anything else, you also help yourself. You do some good and that is not a bad thing at all.

Love and hugs from the Chicky.

Fabulicious and Fantastic

There does seem to be a belief out there that if you are a single woman, you must be SO sad and SO lonely!  No doubt this is the case for some, but not me! I want to show people that being 50 and on your own is a really empowering experience not to mention no cleaning up of nose hairs, toenail clippings, dirty undies, snorting, snoring, cold feet etc.

I am pretty hot for 50 and in good shape.  Yeah, so my butt is juggly but I find doing a lunge or two while pouring myself a nice cold glass of wine helps ALOT!!  Having the bench to glom onto is really helpful too.

Seriously though, I made the choice to be on my own and I am not using this blog to whine about ex-boyfs but rather to show that I am fulfilled simply by putting myself first and doing what nurtures my soul and makes me feel happy. I simply do not NEED a man in my life. Oddly, that doesn’t go down well as small talk at a party, I can tell you – talk about a conversation stopper.

None of us likes being pigeon-holed or labelled and I know that i get labelled one or two things and that is fine with me – at least if people are gossiping about me, they find me interesting.

This blog will aim to be funny and hopefully inspiring. I believe you can really help others when you share something of yourself.

Please share you stories and comments with me.  I think we as single women feel like we can’t really talk about it. Well!  Go for it Fab and Fantastic Singles…….

I am especially interested to hear about your adventures, stories, funny comments, funny fix-ups and how you  feel society accepts you (or not).

So, read and respond!

Love

The Happily Single Chick